I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
