get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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