I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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