i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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