So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
