dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
