Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
