I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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