So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize