I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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