I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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