I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
