she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
