I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
