i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
