I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize