I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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