Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize