i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
