Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize