no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
