dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
