My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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