pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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