He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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