he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
