My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
