she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize