based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
