This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
