The maid of honor just puked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
