the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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