You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
