Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
