Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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