It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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