you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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