I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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