I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
