Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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