This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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