maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
