After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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