How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
