Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
