If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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