There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
