Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
