He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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