can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize