So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
