conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize