His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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