somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
