A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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