watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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