part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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