got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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