We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
