Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
