Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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