you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
