Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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