i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
