I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
