I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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