why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize