Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
