its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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