Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i've created a new STD.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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