i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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