Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
