I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
