Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
