shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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