I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
