I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
