Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
