is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We smell like vodka and hangover
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