Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
