She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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