im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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