Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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