its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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