I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
