Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
