Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
