i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
