She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
