I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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