glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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