It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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