lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
