I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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