Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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