I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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