I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
