just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
