You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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