Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize