is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
