i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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