is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My feet surprised me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
