i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
