Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
