ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize