I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
